That's not what it means!
by MephistoQueen
Summary: Written REALLY late at night. Duo decides to make a website for the pilots, just to get fanmail. The problem? The dictionary isn't quite right... (Explantion on what "it" is up, hurridley written, but it's there.)
1. The Website

"Duo, what are you doing?" Heero asked, leaning over the chair Duo was sitting in. "'Duo's Super-Duper Gundam Page'?! You idiot! Our missions are supposed to be secret!" 

"Yeah, but think of all the hordes of fan-girls we'll get!" Duo exclaimed, rubbing his hands.

"I already have fan-girl hordes!" Quatre chirped, then pouted. "But almost all of them think I'm gay...". The rest of the pilots sweatdropped, and decided to ignore the comment. 

"Look guys," Duo said, typing away, "Once this page gets up, we'll be famous! Money, power, and fan mail! Lots and lots of fan mail!" he laughed in glee. Heero sighed. 

"Duo, you get excited when you recieve Publisher's Clearing House letters".

"But I may already be a winner!"

"Hey, guys." Trowa said as he entered the room, looking slightly beaten up. "There's a small horde of fan-girls organizing outside our room. They want to help with the webpage. What webpage would this be?"

"The one Duo's making." Quatre said. "Come help me draw pictures! I made Sandrock."

Trowa shrugged, "Okay." He picked up a crayon and began to make a picture of a tactical plan. 

"So, I've added profiles of all of us, of the girls, our Gundams, and the bad guys. Dum-DUM!" Duo said, still typing. "Now, a dictionary of all our favorite phrases."

Heero went to practice gun poses. Trowa and Quatre seriously and happily colored. Wufei just kinda stood around. Relena was trampled outside, trying to get past the fan-girl hordes. Duo kept typing, snickering occaisionally. 

Trowa mouthed to Quatre "Why is Duo making a web page?"

Quatre mouthed back "To get fan mail"

"Doesn't he get enough ads already? There's two months in that corner." Trowa whispered. Quatre shrugged.

Wufei looked over Duo's shoulder. Trowa and Quatre kept coloring. Heero was cleaning his gun.

"IT DOESN'T MEAN 'STOP IT, MY BUTT HURTS', MAXWELL!" Wufei screamed. Quatre messed up his drawing and pouted. Trowa blinked. Heero just glared in their direction, having shot out a section of the ceiling. Duo laughed. 

"I didn't hear you asking to make the dictionary, Chang." Duo said. "Now leave me alone, and go seek vengeance or something." Wufei growled and stormed away.

Quatre looked at Heero. "Do you want to know what he wrote?" Heero shook his head.

***

Several weeks later, the boys had some time off. They now had time to answer the piles and piles of e-mails and letters they had received. 

"Dear Trowa, I now you're a real quiet person, but that's okay. You'd be great for me, 'cause I'm real good with my tou-" Trowa crumpled up the letter and threw it into the "Psycho" pile.

"Dear HEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR- Relena." Heero said. He looked at several other identical pink, perfumed letters. "Relena, Relena, Relena, Re- dammit! Isn't she running the world or something?"

"Dear Mr. Winner, I represent the president of a large community of people. We've decided you're a perfect spokesperson for us in the colonies. If you're interested, please send a letter to the Gay and-" Quatre stopped reading and burst into tears. "That's the sixth one today!" He looked at the clock. "And it's only 9 AM!"

"Look, guys!" Duo was gleefully holding a armful of large brown envelopes. "I'm bound to win with one of these!" He looked at one. "Yes! I may have won already! Just like before!"

Wufei opened one near him. "Dear Ranma Saotome," he read, then stamped 'Return to Sender' on it. He opened another. "Dear Tuxedo Kamen-". He sighed and stamped.

"Are you happy now, Duo?" Heero asked. 

"Yep!"

"So you'll take the site down, won't you?"

"Nope!"

Duo became aware of the large barrel on his temple. "You'll take the site down, won't you?" Heero repeated.

Duo gulped. "Uh, yep!" he laughed nervously, and tapped a few keys on the computer. "Done!" He opened another letter, and looked surprised. "Hey, Wufei, you were right. It really doesn't mean that."

***

A few days later, after the closing of the website, the boys received more mail. Heero had the job of flinging all the exploding hate mail out the window and shooting it. Quatre had the job of writing the replies to all the tear-stained letters from fan-girl hordes. Trowa got to sharpen Quatre's pencils. Wufei got to send apologies to everyone who had been emotionally scarred by Duo's dictionary. Duo was broke from sending all his money to those scams, and was currently trying to wheedle some from Heero.

After failing, he returned to the computer. "Hey, guys! Look what I can do on the 'Net!"

"WHAT?!" the other four snapped. 

"We can read stories the fan-girl hordes wrote about us!" Heero, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei slowly gravitated to the screen.

A few minutes later, Wufei's sword was through it, accompanied by a bunch of bullet holes, a scythe, a spinning kick, and a violin bow. The pilots looked queasy.

"Our fans are sick." Duo managed to say. "Very, very sick." 

Quatre was shaking slightly. "How could... just from..."

They all shouted together, "THAT'S NOT WHAT IT MEANS!"


	2. The Apology

A/N: This is for y'all who were confused on what "it" was. I wrote it very quickly.

Sometime last week...

"Duo..." Heero said.

"What?"

"Some people are demanding you make an apology for what you put on that website."

"But I took it down!"

"Mothers are concerned about what their children are suddenly writing about us."

"Even mine?"

"Just apologize."

Sometime in the near future...

Duo walked onto a generic stage, with the other pilots in the audience, arranged some notes, and coughed. "Hello! My name is Duo Maxwell, as some of you may know. Due to forces beyond my control, I am being forced to read this statement. In the recent past, I built a web page centered around myself."

"And us!" 

"Yes, thank you, Wufei. In that page was a definition of the word 'yaoi', or, more presicely, the definiton of 'yama nashi, ochi nashi, imi nashi', the phrase which yaoi is derived from. Contrary to what I was informed, the phrase actually means 'no climax, no point, no meaning', NOT, as I said, 'Stop it, my butt hurts'. I apologize for any confusion or emotional scarring this may have caused." Duo shuffled his notes around. "I would like to add, for my friend Quatre, that all people who are not writing to him because they are fans or for information, to please stop writing him. He doesn't swing that way. Thank you." Duo walked off the stage. Hundreds of fanfic writing fan-girls cried. Hundred others cheered and began to write self-insertion fics. Some others just shrugged.


End file.
